~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment:
Happy New Year Mothafuckas!
Wow, it’s really been a while since I’ve posted something, and with an obscenely important test tomorrow to study for, I have decided to make a Jesus out of my blog and resurrect it!
So hello! Yes, I was dead to the world for a couple of weeks, but now I’m back and
hornier better than ever! It’s a new year and a new personality for me, as I’ve decided that my New Years resolution would be to answer any question that I’m asked honestly (except when people ask where the bodies are. That would just take the fun out of it all 🙂 )
However, with 2012 comes the end of the world as well. Am I the only one freakishly excited to die in a horrible apocalypse? Yeaaah!
Lol jk I’m not that much of a douchebag; I don’t believe that the world is going to end, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway!
You see, everyone’s predicting that like, the sun is going to explode, or the horrible meteor is going to come and kill all the dinosaurs again, or like, Atlantis will like…explode BUT ANYWAY that’s not how I think it’s gonna happen. Oh no, that’s far too fast and painless. Here’s how it’s REALLY going to happen:
You see, it’s all going to be the next generation’s fault. Of course, it will have nothing to do with my generation because we are precious gifts sent from the Jesus to only do good for the Earth. However, the next generation is full of pussies. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. When I grew up, I was not special and I got beat with a wooden spoon. On the playground, I had to fend for myself, and you know what? I was a little bitch, and not in the good way. But you know what that taught me? Life’s hardships!
However, the current youth of our day, with their “everyone’s special in their own way” and “we all love each other and DON’T punch each other in the face” mindset have no idea how to fight their own battles. Also, they’re all robots controlled by technology. I got my first cell phone in 8th grade, and that was considered really early. However, let’s talk about the kids in 4th grade with higher-tech cell phones than I have, iPods, and other technologies of the sort. These things are food and water to these kids.
Well, I’m predicting that someone’s gonna die this year. I don’t know who it is, but whoever it is will be extremely important to the technology business, and you know what’s gonna happen? All of the iPhones in the world are going to just die. Every XBOX 360 will instantly explode into tiny pieces. iPods will play nothing but Rick Astley. And the result of this will be:
Yep, that’s gonna be it. The world will go insane and riots will start. Without our technology, companies will crumble and organizations will disappear in an instant. Cities will burn. Children will be reduced to nothing but mindless corpses, not knowing how to handle life.
And then we’ll all die.
And that’s pretty much it! Let’s face it, we’ll lead to our own destruction before any natural event will. All that we need is for us to start to revert back to the olden days when kids knew how to beat each other up and baseball was played with rocks. And we hunted for our dinners (WATER BUFFALO MOTHAFUCKAS!)
So yeah, this was my resurrection post! Look forward to the next one!
Follow me on twitter @D_Mamms for more random thoughts from my head as I avoid studying.