Tag Archives: Stupidity

15 Miles, Uphill Both Ways, In The Snow.

~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment:


Okay, I have a serious issue to talk about this time.  Children.  Basically, I love kids.  However, I’ve recently discovered that kids nowadays are being raised to be spoiled, rotten, inappropriate, immature brats who have no idea how to behave in any setting, public or private.  Honestly, I blame it on the current changes in society.

Here are the reasons why I think every kid is fucked up currently (and for the record, when I say “kid”, I’m referring to anyone under 16 in the present day): they’re spoiled, they have way too much freedom, and society fucking sucks.

I miss the original Willy Wonka movie










Now, do you find yourself with a bratty kid who needs a good taste of reality?  Here’s a solution: BEAT. YOUR. CHILDREN.  Now I’m not talking about actual abuse, but there’s a pretty big difference between purposely attempting to harm your child and giving him or her a slap on the ass because they’re being fresh.  And please, start this at a young age!  I HATE when I’m in public and some kid is climbing on everything and screaming and pissing in a corner and the mother is just like “Now Johnny, that’s not using your good manners!”  You know what Mom?  Stop being an idiot, grab your kid by the collar, whip out the wooden spoon, and show them what happens when they “don’t use their good manners.”  Honestly, I can’t wait to beat my children if and when I have some.  They’re going to be the most behaved kids on the face of the planet, because dad’s not gonna take any of their shit.

Yes, Mommy Dearest










Now, if you’re too much of a pussy if you aren’t comfortable with being physical with your children, making them stand in the corner when they’re being a brat is always effective as well.  This was a favorite for me when I was growing up, and honestly, all those times facing the wall really gave me stuff to think about, and now I even consider myself somewhat of a philosopher.  Here’s one of my philosophies: BEAT. YOUR. CHILDREN. No matter what, if your kid is misbehaving, punish him/her!  But seriously, bring your child to a formal dinner party and make them say a genuine hello to every person there.  Teach them how to have a conversation and act like an adult, even if they’re only 5 years old.  If your kid is being a brat at the dinner table, don’t let them leave and go play.  Make them sit and endure dinner quietly or face the consequences of a grounding when they get home.  Remember that word, “grounded”?  Whatever happened to that?  I haven’t heard it in years.  Take away everything that makes them happy and make them suffer.  Don’t give them what they want, show them that there are rules.  If they’re climbing on stuff, pull them down and scold them.  If they’re pooping in the corner, shove their face in it.  Oh, sorry, did I just compare your children to a dog?  Hm, sorry I’m NOT sorry, actually.

I get that it's funny, but does anyone else think it's really sick, too?








Also, why is every kid in the present day “special” or “gifted”?  They’re not.  Like, no.  Your child did not come out of the womb as Jesus, so shut up, because your kid isn’t special.  And let me elaborate further!  Your child, who has some kind of talent for something, is not special either!  For example, let’s say your kid is good at the piano.  He/she isn’t special.  It’s either because it’s asian (yay stereotypes!) or because you send it to lessons and make it practice.  The end.  So shut up. Stop making your kid out to be more than it is, but rather, praise it for where it excels and leave it at that.  Example: “My son is a piano prodigy!” My response: “No, your son practices a lot and it’s paying off.”

I also would like to say that parents are way too weak nowadays.  I was in Starbucks the other day, and there was a kid there who seriously needed to try a salad, and he was pestering his mom for some of the sketchy Starbucks cheesecake, and she kept saying no, and he kept asking, and she gave in and bought it for him!  No!  By the way, this was at like 2 in the afternoon.  Why does your 400 pound 9-year-old need cheesecake that early in the day?  Also, why are you giving in?!  Tell him no and that life is tough and maybe he can have it if he takes a lap!

But actually.












Now, the current fucked-up-ness of children isn’t entirely the parents’ faults.  Society is getting children involved in everything far too early.  You have 9 year olds with cell phones (you know, because they really need them), children’s television series are always geared around “getting into relationships”, and there’s some shit about subliminal messages thrown in there, too.  However, that doesn’t mean that parents can’t stop this, too.  Does your 9 year old really need a cell phone?  Who are they calling?  You?  From where? If you’re letting your 9 year olds go out by themselves without some kind of adult supervision, you have seriously bigger problems than the fact that your kid has a phone to begin with.  Also, you can shelter your kids from television shows, and you should.  Why does your child need to be watching shows on MTV?  Please give me your reasoning for that one, I can’t wait to hear it.  Oh, you want grandkids early? Well, then you’re making the right decisions.

I don't want to be alive anymore.








As a culinarian in training, I feel obligated to also preach about how your kid should be living a healthy lifestyle.  I know a person who mainly feeds her son and daughter McDonalds chicken nuggets because “that’s all they’ll eat.”  Oh, I forgot to mention the kids are 5 AND 3 YEARS OLD!  Let them starve!  I can assure you they’ll eat something else.  That’s just straight up stupidity right there, I’m sorry, I can find no way to defend you on this one.  In no way is McDonalds a “healthy choice”, no matter what changes to the company they’re making.  Cook dinner every night, and make sure it’s not a Paula Deen recipe.

Parents, remember, we all went through the same shit growing up.  We were beat when we were bad, we played baseball with sticks and rocks because that’s all we had, and we had to walk 15 miles to school uphill both ways in the snow with cardboard in our shoes on a daily basis.  If it worked for us, why won’t it work for your kids?  Don’t give me that bullshit that parenting is hard.  I know that it’s hard, but take a second to reflect on your life and think about how you were raised.  Also, think about whether or not YOU were raised by an idiot parent.  Your kids are alone at school more hours in the day than they’re home with you, so make sure they know how to behave so that their grades can be high and they don’t end up smoking crack and getting each other pregnant in the locker rooms.

So true









Well, that’s my two-cents on this matter!  Hope it reached some of you, because seriously, I’m sick of kids and their shit.

You love your kids, don’t you?  Why are you raising them to be an embarrassment?