Donuts and Tampons

~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment (oh, and you can watch them have dry sex too, if you’re into that kind of stuff…):

Whaddup singular reader? 

I’ve decided there’s still only one of you because today, as I told Victoria how many people have read my previous post, she replied with “They were probably all me.”  Well, there goes my self-esteem -_-  But whatever, in hopes that you who is reading this ISN’T Victoria, I welcome you. 

So today I worked a wedding for about 80 people.  Here’s a brief description of how things went down:

1. They didn’t serve alcohol the entire wedding.

2. The wedding cake had Mickey Mouse ears all over it.

3. The groom’s cake was a pile of Dunkin’ Donuts.

4. The bride walked around the entire time with one of those Chinese fans.

5. I worked at an Ice Cream Sundae station with my friend, Lindsay.

6. The wedding planner really needed to brush her teeth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fun times!  I wish this couple the best of luck in their marriage.  They seemed very happy (and insane). 

But the wedding isn’t today’s topic! 

Todays’ topic is vaginas.  You see, it’s just… I have a confession.  It’s something that has been stirring up inside of me for a long time now, and I really need to get this off of my chest.  You might want to have a seat for this…

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PERIOD!

Yeah, I don't want to hear THAT, either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, it feels great to get that out in the open.

But seriously, for those of you who are Facebook friends with me, you may recall me putting up a status about how I don’t want to hear about your period, but apparently, this failed.  Let me just say, I think I can speak for all guys in general when I say that none of us want to hear about it. 

But here’s what I DON’T get, and so we’re going to discuss this.  Why do people need to be so bitchy when they’re on their periods?  Like, I get the whole hormones and painful uterus thing, but here’s my thought:  if it were me, I think I would just say to myself, “Oh look, my vagina is bleeding profusely, maybe I need to be really really nice to everyone until it stops.”  And we all know we’ve experienced “that bitchy period person”, and we all hate them.  Come on, person who’s angry I’m writing this, you know you have that person in your life, too.  You know I’m saying what you’re thinking.

And there we go!  I just solved the Period Problem (Or P.P., as I like to call it).  From now on, let’s all be really really nice whenever our vaginas are bleeding.  And if this isn’t possible, I know some great places to get vicodin.  I have this concept that vicodin can solve anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, what’s making me vent about this?  A multitude of occurrrences, actually, including my friend Katie calling me whining “MY UTERUS HUUUURRRRTS”, one of the managers where I work being overly twitchy and snappy at everyone, and one instance a year ago when I heard two of my female friends talking about how one was so angry because she forgot to bring a tampon to school that day.  

Sooo yeah, that’s pretty much my little rant for the moment.  Look forward to whatever I plan to talk about next time!  And if there’s anything that you want me to talk about, just let me know!  Or if you have any questions or problems you would like me to solve for you, I will gladly help!

Later!

David

P.S. – My Mom’s birthday was yesterday.  My sister made her a cake.  Let’s talk about who’s the one who goes to Culinary School, here?

 

Sarah’s Birthday Cake for our Mom