Tag Archives: Kids

15 Miles, Uphill Both Ways, In The Snow.


~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment:

Hello!

Okay, I have a serious issue to talk about this time.  Children.  Basically, I love kids.  However, I’ve recently discovered that kids nowadays are being raised to be spoiled, rotten, inappropriate, immature brats who have no idea how to behave in any setting, public or private.  Honestly, I blame it on the current changes in society.

Here are the reasons why I think every kid is fucked up currently (and for the record, when I say “kid”, I’m referring to anyone under 16 in the present day): they’re spoiled, they have way too much freedom, and society fucking sucks.

I miss the original Willy Wonka movie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, do you find yourself with a bratty kid who needs a good taste of reality?  Here’s a solution: BEAT. YOUR. CHILDREN.  Now I’m not talking about actual abuse, but there’s a pretty big difference between purposely attempting to harm your child and giving him or her a slap on the ass because they’re being fresh.  And please, start this at a young age!  I HATE when I’m in public and some kid is climbing on everything and screaming and pissing in a corner and the mother is just like “Now Johnny, that’s not using your good manners!”  You know what Mom?  Stop being an idiot, grab your kid by the collar, whip out the wooden spoon, and show them what happens when they “don’t use their good manners.”  Honestly, I can’t wait to beat my children if and when I have some.  They’re going to be the most behaved kids on the face of the planet, because dad’s not gonna take any of their shit.

Yes, Mommy Dearest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, if you’re too much of a pussy if you aren’t comfortable with being physical with your children, making them stand in the corner when they’re being a brat is always effective as well.  This was a favorite for me when I was growing up, and honestly, all those times facing the wall really gave me stuff to think about, and now I even consider myself somewhat of a philosopher.  Here’s one of my philosophies: BEAT. YOUR. CHILDREN. No matter what, if your kid is misbehaving, punish him/her!  But seriously, bring your child to a formal dinner party and make them say a genuine hello to every person there.  Teach them how to have a conversation and act like an adult, even if they’re only 5 years old.  If your kid is being a brat at the dinner table, don’t let them leave and go play.  Make them sit and endure dinner quietly or face the consequences of a grounding when they get home.  Remember that word, “grounded”?  Whatever happened to that?  I haven’t heard it in years.  Take away everything that makes them happy and make them suffer.  Don’t give them what they want, show them that there are rules.  If they’re climbing on stuff, pull them down and scold them.  If they’re pooping in the corner, shove their face in it.  Oh, sorry, did I just compare your children to a dog?  Hm, sorry I’m NOT sorry, actually.

I get that it's funny, but does anyone else think it's really sick, too?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, why is every kid in the present day “special” or “gifted”?  They’re not.  Like, no.  Your child did not come out of the womb as Jesus, so shut up, because your kid isn’t special.  And let me elaborate further!  Your child, who has some kind of talent for something, is not special either!  For example, let’s say your kid is good at the piano.  He/she isn’t special.  It’s either because it’s asian (yay stereotypes!) or because you send it to lessons and make it practice.  The end.  So shut up. Stop making your kid out to be more than it is, but rather, praise it for where it excels and leave it at that.  Example: “My son is a piano prodigy!” My response: “No, your son practices a lot and it’s paying off.”

I also would like to say that parents are way too weak nowadays.  I was in Starbucks the other day, and there was a kid there who seriously needed to try a salad, and he was pestering his mom for some of the sketchy Starbucks cheesecake, and she kept saying no, and he kept asking, and she gave in and bought it for him!  No!  By the way, this was at like 2 in the afternoon.  Why does your 400 pound 9-year-old need cheesecake that early in the day?  Also, why are you giving in?!  Tell him no and that life is tough and maybe he can have it if he takes a lap!

But actually.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, the current fucked-up-ness of children isn’t entirely the parents’ faults.  Society is getting children involved in everything far too early.  You have 9 year olds with cell phones (you know, because they really need them), children’s television series are always geared around “getting into relationships”, and there’s some shit about subliminal messages thrown in there, too.  However, that doesn’t mean that parents can’t stop this, too.  Does your 9 year old really need a cell phone?  Who are they calling?  You?  From where? If you’re letting your 9 year olds go out by themselves without some kind of adult supervision, you have seriously bigger problems than the fact that your kid has a phone to begin with.  Also, you can shelter your kids from television shows, and you should.  Why does your child need to be watching shows on MTV?  Please give me your reasoning for that one, I can’t wait to hear it.  Oh, you want grandkids early? Well, then you’re making the right decisions.

I don't want to be alive anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As a culinarian in training, I feel obligated to also preach about how your kid should be living a healthy lifestyle.  I know a person who mainly feeds her son and daughter McDonalds chicken nuggets because “that’s all they’ll eat.”  Oh, I forgot to mention the kids are 5 AND 3 YEARS OLD!  Let them starve!  I can assure you they’ll eat something else.  That’s just straight up stupidity right there, I’m sorry, I can find no way to defend you on this one.  In no way is McDonalds a “healthy choice”, no matter what changes to the company they’re making.  Cook dinner every night, and make sure it’s not a Paula Deen recipe.

Parents, remember, we all went through the same shit growing up.  We were beat when we were bad, we played baseball with sticks and rocks because that’s all we had, and we had to walk 15 miles to school uphill both ways in the snow with cardboard in our shoes on a daily basis.  If it worked for us, why won’t it work for your kids?  Don’t give me that bullshit that parenting is hard.  I know that it’s hard, but take a second to reflect on your life and think about how you were raised.  Also, think about whether or not YOU were raised by an idiot parent.  Your kids are alone at school more hours in the day than they’re home with you, so make sure they know how to behave so that their grades can be high and they don’t end up smoking crack and getting each other pregnant in the locker rooms.

So true

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, that’s my two-cents on this matter!  Hope it reached some of you, because seriously, I’m sick of kids and their shit.

You love your kids, don’t you?  Why are you raising them to be an embarrassment?

David

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The End Of The World


~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment:

Happy New Year Mothafuckas!

Wow, it’s really been a while since I’ve posted something, and with an obscenely important test tomorrow to study for, I have decided to make a Jesus out of my blog and resurrect it!

Yepp

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So hello!  Yes, I was dead to the world for a couple of weeks, but now I’m back and hornier better than ever! It’s a new year and a new personality for me, as I’ve decided that my New Years resolution would be to answer any question that I’m asked honestly (except when people ask where the bodies are.  That would just take the fun out of it all 🙂 )

However, with 2012 comes the end of the world as well.  Am I the only one freakishly excited to die in a horrible apocalypse?  Yeaaah!

Lol jk I’m not that much of a douchebag; I don’t believe that the world is going to end, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway!

Yeah whatevs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You see, everyone’s predicting that like, the sun is going to explode, or the horrible meteor is going to come and kill all the dinosaurs again, or like, Atlantis will like…explode BUT ANYWAY that’s not how I think it’s gonna happen.  Oh no, that’s far too fast and painless.  Here’s how it’s REALLY going to happen:

Can someone get this for me in black?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You see, it’s all going to be the next generation’s fault.  Of course, it will have nothing to do with my generation because we are precious gifts sent from the Jesus to only do good for the Earth.  However, the next generation is full of pussies.  Yeah, that’s right, I said it.  When I grew up, I was not special and I got beat with a wooden spoon.  On the playground, I had to fend for myself, and you know what?  I was a little bitch, and not in the good way.  But you know what that taught me?  Life’s hardships!

However, the current youth of our day, with their “everyone’s special in their own way” and “we all love each other and DON’T punch each other in the face” mindset have no idea how to fight their own battles.  Also, they’re all robots controlled by technology.  I got my first cell phone in 8th grade, and that was considered really early.  However, let’s talk about the kids in 4th grade with higher-tech cell phones than I have, iPods, and other technologies of the sort.  These things are food and water to these kids.

Well, I’m predicting that someone’s gonna die this year.  I don’t know who it is, but whoever it is will be extremely important to the technology business, and you know what’s gonna happen? All of the iPhones in the world are going to just die.  Every XBOX 360 will instantly explode into tiny pieces.  iPods will play nothing but Rick Astley.  And the result of this will be:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yep, that’s gonna be it.  The world will go insane and riots will start.  Without our technology, companies will crumble and organizations will disappear in an instant.  Cities will burn.  Children will be reduced to nothing but mindless corpses, not knowing how to handle life.

And then we’ll all die.

And that’s pretty much it!  Let’s face it, we’ll lead to our own destruction before any natural event will.  All that we need is for us to start to revert back to the olden days when kids knew how to beat each other up and baseball was played with rocks.  And we hunted for our dinners (WATER BUFFALO MOTHAFUCKAS!)

It's so true, though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So yeah, this was my resurrection post!  Look forward to the next one!

Follow me on twitter @D_Mamms for more random thoughts from my head as I avoid studying.

K bye!

David