~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment:
50 Things Society Needs:
1. For everyone to just shut up and mind their own business — Click here if you need further explanation.
2. For there to be a person out there who is paid by the government to punch stupid people in the face.
3. For teachers to be paid higher salaries — You know, they’re only educating our drug-addicted, pregnant, technology-addicted, weak, hopeless future.
4. For everyone to just love each other and bake cakes out of rainbows and smiles.
5. Education about real life (or rather, a freshman class called “The Outside World 101”) — I just Googled “What is health care?”
6. For saying the phrase “There’s no such thing as a stupid question” to be against the law.
7. For the United Nations to actually unite the nations — I’m pretty sure a pizza and beer pong party could solve so many problems. And I’m being 100% serious right now.
8. For TV shows such as “16 and Pregnant” and “Toddlers and Tiaras” to be cancelled — They encourage America’s white-trashiness. Seriously, like, are we THAT sleazy? Why are these good ideas for shows? Like, let’s start up a show called “The Real Housewives Of The Dirty-Ass Trailer Park On The Side Of Town That Mom Tells Me Not To Go To”.
9. Gay marriage legalized like, everywhere.
10. For America to stop eating so much — Let’s cut down and send some food to Africa/China/the Middle East/Alabama.
-Plus America is pretty fat and ugly. Yes, you. Go outside and exercise. Now. Please. Do the rest of us a favor.
11. For there to be a person paid by the government to shoot douchebags who play the guitar — Click here if you need a clearer definition of what a douchebag with a guitar is.
12. Bras for men.
13. For all this “we have a crappy economy” shit to end. I’m not buying it (no pun intended) (Okay, slight pun intended) (LAUGH, BITCH!)
14. For 90’s kids television to come back.
15. For “The Situation” to get punched in the face.
16. For prostitution to be legal — If you got it, you should be able to get it.
17. For schools to bring back dodgeball and stop raising weak-ass punks who think they’re the shit.
18. For every school to teach a martial arts class — I’m pretty sure discipline, focus, and good attitude makes up for the fact that kids will be punching each other…with soft pads on their fists. I mean, the Asians do it. I have yet to see a downside to this.
19. For Pokemon to be real.
20. For there to be a mandatory educational video shown to all new parents called “How To Not Raise Your Kids Like An Idiot”.
21. For America to switch over to the metric system.
22. For “Bing” to just stop trying.
23. For people to realize when they’re being bitchy — And not get mad when someone/I call them out for it.
24. Shoe vending machines — We’ve all seen those girls walking around with a broken heel. Let’s give ’em a break.
25. Free college — So that everyone can know what “post-secondary education” means.
26. Death to slow walking people/slow drivers.
27. Free samples. EVERYWHERE.
28. For it to be socially acceptable to break out in song in public places — And for everyone to know the dance.
29. Death to racism — Let’s all just make fun of each other’s stereotypes and hate each other equally!
31. Over-the-counter birth control.
32. A washing machine that automatically converts into a dryer.
33. Toilet TVs
34. More sassy black women
35. For Oprah to just launch her takeover — Seriously, think about it. If Oprah is
supreme overlord president, we would get so much free stuff! Like health care!
36. Beer water fountains.
37. For young teenage girls to stop being whores.
38. For the ketchup bottle to always be full.
39. For everyone to have superpowers if they want.
40. Death to loud chewers — There is no excuse to chew loudly. None. Whatsoever. You CAN help it, so don’t give me that bullcrap. Change or kill yourself. Sorry I’m not sorry.
41. For there to be a book written called “How To Blend In When You’re An Annoying-Ass Tourist”
42. For the falling piece of pizza to never land on the cheese side.
43. For products to actually work like they do in the commercials — Swishy backgrounds and all!
44. For kids to realize that they’re not cool if they drink and smoke weed when they’re 14 and 15.
45. For Facebook to have a “dislike” button — So I can dislike every picture of your face.
46. For GPS systems to tell you to turn before you’re past the actual turn.
47. For farts to smell less horrible.
48. For there to be an age limit on the validity of driver’s licenses — Sometimes people are just too old to be driving.
49. Double stuffed oreos that don’t make you fat.
50. For Me to just be in charge of everything — I would do so much good for this world.
Well, these won’t solve all of society’s problems (except for that last one), but they would definitely help improve everyone’s lives significantly. So, I propose that we all get on making all of this happen, especially the one about Pokemon 🙂
Special thanks go to Kristina DePalma, Stephanie Eyster (Check out her life blog by clicking here!), Amanda Welsh (Check out her food blog by clicking here!), and Justin Beaver for helping me with this one!
Follow me on twitter (@D_Mamms) for more of my daily random thoughts and let me know if there’s anything that you want to read about for next time!