The Honey Badger Don’t Care!


~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment:

Good morrow, readers!

Well, I am officially done with my externship and back home on Long Island!  I had a shit-ton of fun and I’m going to miss the people I met in North Carolina so much.  I’m happy to be home, though 🙂

Okay, today’s post was a request from my friend Victoria!  Victoria told me to write about the Honey Badger video (click the link!), and since I had no better requests (or any at all) for what to write about, I decided to go with it!

Now, I did some research on the Honey Badger, and I actually found out that it was mentioned on Glee!  I don’t watch Glee, but I learned that the hot crazy chick was given the code name of Honey Badger when the blonde lesbian tried to take down the Glee Club for whatever personal and sexual reasons she has.  This is interesting, because I do not think that the hot crazy chick is capable of ripping the head off of a human and then consuming it’s lifeless corpse, but that’s okay, because that would be cannibalism, and that is frowned upon in most societies. 

Something that I noticed about the Honey Badger, though, is that it is kind of singled out from the rest of the animal kingdom.  It’s like the kid on the playground that had no real friends but is still part of a general group.  I want to help the Honey Badger make some friends, though, so I have decided that I will explain all of the information that I gathered while watching this video and then showing the Honey Badger where it should make friends!  It’s like eHoneyHarmony!

Now, without further ado, I give you my rundown of the Honey Badger (in case you haven’t noticed from my last few posts, I’ve fallen in love with writing in lists, so here’s the Honey Badger list):

– It’s a Fat Kid!

Yeah, all that we see in this video is the Honey Badger eating shit, and that just makes me think of obesity.  Don’t invite the Honey Badger to any parties, because it’ll probably eat all of your food…and your pet mouse…and your children (but they’re probably fat kids too, since this is America, so they can have a fat kid brawl).  According to this video, the Honey Badger’s diet consists of mice, cobras, some dead white thing, and larva.  Basically, it’s all meat.  No wonder the Honey Badger looked like it needed to exercise a little more (but it don’t care).

Animals that have this trait in common: Pig, T-Rex, Dog, Elephant, Alligator, Jaws, Hippogriff

Om Nom Nom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– It’s Magic!

So it’s bitten by a King Cobra, but it lives?!  First of all, I’ve never seen a King Cobra before, but it did not look that threatening, so I can see why the Honey Badger was all “No bitch, I’ma eat chu” and then tore the cobra’s head off.  I bet that we could harvest the Honey Badger anti-Cobra-poison potion and use it for science, though.  Why has no one done this?!  Probably because they were then killed by the Honey Badger upon approach, that’s why.  Still though, here’s what I’m wondering… why was the Cobra chilling by the Honey Badger in the first place?  Legit, it was asking to be eaten.  Suicidal kamikazee cobras!  Your efforts were for naught.  The Honey Badger is a wizard. 

Animals that have this trait in common: Meerkat, Mouse, B. o. B. featuring Rivers Cuomo, Harry Potter

Get it right!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– It’s an Abortionist!

The Honey Badger eats bee larva.  I’m not a fan of this.  Did you know that bees are the only insect which provide a bi-product for human consumption?  AND it never goes bad?!  Well, the honey badger just ate our future free-laborers  honey-providers, and so that means that there are just less bee slaves honey-makers to happily make honey for us.  Honey Badger, you’re a bitch (but you don’t care). 

Animals that have this trait in common: Skunk, Frog, Dragonfly, Cat, Dog

– It’s a Pushover!

I imagine that the Honey Badger MUST care about the fact that it has to hunt for other animals (even though it don’t care), but seriously, it’s being used.  Legit, what kind of cheap slut has the Honey Badger suddenly become.  Why not hunt down some of those birds, huh?  I wish I knew how to spell their names… it’s like… sezepard or something, but I googled that and it doesn’t exist, sooooo yeah. 

Animals that have this trait in common: Bear, Little Bitches

– It’s an Alcoholic!

You know what I bet?  I bet that the Honey Badger LIKES getting poisoned by Cobras.  It’s like a quick way to get hammered!  You feel a little tipsy, pass out, and then get back up and there’s dinner waiting for you!  Who DOESN’T like the sound of that!  The Honey Badger don’t!

Animals that have this trait in common: Ke$ha

We did it. (LOL JK that'd be dirty)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well Honey Badger, those are your options.  Some may be harder for you to find than others, but I’m sure that you will one day find love and have friends to hang out with and get snake-venom-faced wasted with.  I wish you the best of luck! 

The Honey Badger

David

-This was a rather quick post!  Hit me up with some suggestions for what to write about next time.  I’ll talk about anything, really.

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About waterboy1023

I'm a 19 year old boy from Long Island, New York who's interested in a lot of different stuff. I'm a student at the Culinary Institute of America, so I'm going to be a chef one day! I'm here mainly to write stuff, just because I like writing and pretending that I can be creative sometimes, so hopefully my blog can entertain you and maybe you'll even get a laugh or two from it. Hope you enjoy! Please comment as much as you like. View all posts by waterboy1023

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