It’s Not Stalking, It’s Love!

~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment:


Okay, today I want to talk about Facebook.  Basically, Facebook is life for me, I am such a hardcore Facebook stalker that it’s kind of a problem.  Like seriously though, I need to stop.

ANYWAY, I’m just going to give a quick rundown of how I see Facebook, piece by piece, mile by mile, til death do we part.   


Ahh the Facebook status.  You can tell a lot about someone based on their status.  Maybe it’s song lyrics from a Taylor Swift song.  Well, then you’re a teenage girl between the mental ages of 9 and 17.  Let’s say it’s about what you’re doing at that moment.  Well, then maybe you need to focus less on your Facebook status and more on what you’re doing.  I think my favorite type of Facebook status, though, is the “we just broke up and now I’m heartbroken because I miss you” status.  One of my friends just posted how he’s so sad that his ex-girlfriend “still makes him smile”.  Aww, how cute.  In reality though, he needs to get his shit together.  I’ve done stuff with that girl, and she either has really bad B.O. or a really smelly vagina.  One or the other, really.  Regardless, though, I think that the point I’m trying to make about statuses is that they are blown out of proportion.  Facebook asks “What’s on your mind?”, and luckily, there are some people who actually answer this.  However, sometimes I question the purpose of a status at all.  After all, a “status” is basically just a condition or the way that someone is feeling.  You’re telling me that right now you feel: “Oh oh, what are you waiting for?  Take a bite of my heart tonight! 😛 hehe lol ❤ out with my besties!!!!!!” ? How does one even feel “hehe lol”?!


Look how cool I am! I'm taking a mirror picture!


Look how cool I am! I'm clearly drinking underage!


Look how cool I am! I don't have a shirt on!


Look how cool I am! I can handle liquor AND beer!


Look how cool I am! We're gonna bang!

The wall!  It’s the first thing that people see when they click onto your page, unless you’re one of those high maintenance people who everyone hates who sets their information as the first thing that people see when they click on your page.  The wall is obviously designed to contain witty banter between friends about how awesome that party was, how much I superficially miss you and we should hang out soon because I have to say that, subtle comments about how you’re good in bed, repeated inside jokes which look like a different language to people who “weren’t there”, and funny links to websites which everyone will look at, because let’s face it, we’re all curious to see what “Monkey Humping A Panda: The Movie” is really all about!  That’s basically all that the wall is good for.  After all, YOU can’t do anything to improve your wall, unless you want to comment on your own page, in which case I’d say that it’s time to find some friends.
Videos can be one of two things.  The first can be documentation of an event such as a graduation, school play, award winning, elaborate inside joke, etc.  The second can be a wild party full of alcohol, fun, drugs, fun, sex, fun, and fun.  It’s up to you!  Look at that, you have options!  It’s like you’re choosing a college!…..Or condom brand!   
Don’t we just love the new Facebook chat?  Don’t worry, in about week it’ll be changed again…and then revised three days later when there are obvious glitches in it.  Oh well!  You know what FB Chat needs?  An “Only be visible to these people” button.  I sign on Chat so I can talk to one or two people, but all of a sudden I have a typhoon of IMs from people that I don’t even like/remember where I met them, and honestly, I only want to talk to my one or two friends whom I was talking to in the first place.  But hey!  If you ever get bored, you can always send your friend an emoticon of a shark or a penguin….as long as you know the unknown sequence of letters whihc activates such a design.  I think it’s something along the lines of F#<v #^^#!$$#!7+Q…and somewhere along the way you should probably find X, as well.

I found this on google and took all of the credit for it! 😀

I love the Newsfeed!  I can blame everything I learned about you by looking on your page on the Newsfeed!  Even the stuff that doesn’t even show up on the Newsfeed!  In a matter of 3 minutes, I can know who broke up with who, who’s dating who, who’s fucking who, who’s mad at who, who’s hanging out with who, who’s going to what event, who wasn’t invited to said event, who’s pissed about not being invited to said event, who’s depressed about not being invited to the event and put up a sad song lyric quote on their status, and whose birthday it is!  Is it mean that I delete people from my friends on their birthdays because their names are there and I don’t know who they are?  Whatevs, life goes on. 
This is the little side area where all of the stuff that you don’t know about exists, i.e. your messages which you don’t want to check, events, friends, and applications which you put on your Facebook back when they were popular.  I tend to ignore the sidebar, as it is nothing more than an appendage to my sacred Newsfeed.
So that’s the basic structure of Facebook, for all of you who need help understanding it.  I know this is kind of random, but I really am just trying to make a general point: Facebook’s gotten a little out of control.  People kind of forget that everyone and their mother can see what you’ve posted, and next time you’re bored with nothing to do, try Google searching your name.  Guess what comes up?  At this point, there are people on ranging from 12 – 90 years old.  Companies and schools actually do look at what’s on your page, trust me, I know from experience.  Notice, however, that I am not offering a solution to any kind of obscenity or obscurity which is occuring on Facebook, because honestly, I don’t have one and I don’t feel I should.  Each person is in charge of their Facebook, so it is up to them to use it correctly and not cross any lines across the way. 
Aaaaaaand that’s pretty much it!  I don’t see much else to say with regards to Facebook, except that if you want to be friends, add me! My name is David Mammina.  I’m the one that looks like me.  Just add on that you found me on my blog so I don’t think you’re some creepy rapist who’s gonna come kill (and….rape) me in the night.  Cool!
K bye!

About waterboy1023

I'm a 19 year old boy from Long Island, New York who's interested in a lot of different stuff. I'm a student at the Culinary Institute of America, so I'm going to be a chef one day! I'm here mainly to write stuff, just because I like writing and pretending that I can be creative sometimes, so hopefully my blog can entertain you and maybe you'll even get a laugh or two from it. Hope you enjoy! Please comment as much as you like. View all posts by waterboy1023

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