~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment:
I’m actually really happy by how many people I have reading this stuff. Granted, it’s not a lot, like at all, but I feel good about myself! And the last post got the first comment I’ve ever gotten (love you Alida!). Sorry it was so emo, I’m sure that no one wants to read that kind of stuff.
But whatevs! Since I still have no idea where I’m going with this stuff, I’ve decided to offer advice. Today’s advice is what to do when you get a bad roommate. There are lots of things which I don’t understand in this world (like nipple rings), and one of them is why we all have no option (unless you have a disease) in whether or not you get a roommate in college. For anyone who knows me, you know that I have a history of bad roommates. The first bad roommate I had insisted on getting naked whenever I had friends over (like legit, he would just take his clothes off) and play the harp while I was sleeping. I moved out. The next roommate I had was a morbidly obese man who got off to the fact that he’s a “bear” (which I learned is a term meaning a fat, hairy, gay man [I have no problems with the fact that he was gay]). He never wore clothes (well, he had underwear on), needed to learn how to clean a toilet (that shit was nasty), and showed a picture of his dick to my friend Holly (like, wtf?!). Below is a drawing of him. You might not know this, but I’m like, a spectacular artist. I’m kind of a big deal when it comes to this stuff.
So, you have your shitty roommate, now what do you do? Well, you can confront him/her about it, but who actually wants to do that? You have options! First, if you live in an apartment and have your own room, you can just be emo and hide in your room all the time. But, let’s say you have to share a room with creepy roommate person (we’ll call him/her Ugly). Well, here’s a list of acceptable responses to this unfortunate situation:
1. Try to befriend Ugly (but who wants to be friends with someone named Ugly?)
2. Fight with Ugly (and turn Ugly into Crazy. See #3 for how to deal with this.)
3. Become a crazy person (it’s fun!)
4. Get drunk a lot, blast your music, stay up late with the light on, have crazy hot loud sex as often as possible, bring your friends into the room all the time, and just be a ten times shittier roommate so Ugly won’t want to be in the room.
5. Live with someone else or just straight up move out.
6. Ignore Ugly until it gets insulted and ignores you (no one said you had to be friends with this random person you’re being forced to live with).
7. Go to the girl who’s singing the song’s room. After all, she wants you there.
Now, of course, some situations need to be addressed as soon as they can. If Ugly likes being naked, and you don’t want to see it, tell Ugly. It will understand. If Ugly won’t shut up, just give one word answers and it will get bored. Or, just walk out (I’ve done it, it worked). But, regardless of how bad your roommate is, it’s always good to have friends there to support you! So, if you don’t have friends there to support you through your poor roommate endeavors, then there are worse issues in your life than Ugly.
And there you go! Roommate advice from me to you. Please comment if you want me to ramble about something specific next time, or if you want to see more of my beautiful artwork, or if you have a problem that you want me to provide semi-comical insight into!
Later, kids! Go have sex and piss off your roommate!