~While reading my post, listen to this song for some added entertainment (I didn’t put the music video because it’s weird shit):
Today’s post isn’t going to be me criticising anyone or anything like that (well, I’m sure it will be in some way). I just need to vent. Today was my last day in the restaurant that I work at on my externship, and tomorrow I’ll be moved somewhere else. My issue? We have to write essays about our time at each restaurant and my essay was a shit show. Legit, I pointed out all of the pros and cons from where I worked. The pros were a quarter of the page, the cons were two pages. Woops. What sucks about this is that my chef was a great guy and gave me a spectacular review, even offered me a permanent job there! This was all before he read my essay, though. Now I just feel like I stabbed him in the back. And so, as I swept out the walk-in today, I found myself in the same position that I started here. Sweeping the walk-in feeling shitty about myself.
I think what got to me most was that chef said my attitude was great and he never would’ve guessed I was so miserable. Well, I blame high school for that. High school taught me the art of a superficial friendship, and so for six long weeks, I was able to smile and act like I loved life. Now I just feel like I lied to someone who was actually really cool. Guess I need to be more real next time, except I know that I won’t. In a way, I feel like I burned a bridge, too.
And now I feel like a hypocrite, as well. I always say that people need to be more real and take their guard down, and I guess that in a way, I was being completely fake. While, yes, I was sure to conduct myself in a professional manner and not sit and pout the whole time because “I was unhappy”, I guess that I actually ended up catching someone completely off guard when I finally revealed that I didn’t like working there. I don’t know, I never show people what I’m actually thinking because I know that they’ll get insulted, and honestly, Chef is the only one who I feel bad that I insulted (although I’m sure that no one in the restaurant even knows about my essay or that I hated working there). I’m trying to put myself in his shoes, too, and I feel like from his point of view, someone just came in and broke down his entire kitchen empire and threw in his face everything that was wrong with it (because he spoke to me and told me that I pointed out correct points, once I gave him examples). I guess there could’ve been a better way of going about this. Unfortunately, right now, I feel both my feelings and (what I believe to be) Chef’s feelings, and that’s a lot to handle for me. I don’t like feeling for two people.
Sorry that I’m so bummed in this post, I’ll be sure to post something more unique next time. I don’t want to lost you, readers, and I know that this was not something that you were looking forward to reading.